UnNews:Chris Tarrant arrested for assaulting Asylum Seekers

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14 May 2007

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The incident probably looked a lot like this. Probably.

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FLUMMOX-UNDER-THAMES, London -- The philandering former host of Tizwaz, Chris Tarrant was arrested today under suspicion of beating up asylum seekers.

The star is alleged to have thrown something at someone in an Indian Restaurant and Daily Mail thinks it was probably an asylum seeker.

Half an hour after leaving a curry house (who cares which one, they all look the same to me), forty policemen with tanks and a helicopter totally overreacted and forced the naked Chris Tarrant to perform gratuitous acts before being flung into the only jail cell in England without a 32" widescreen television, broadband internet access, a Lay Z Boy armchair and a team of servants. Ridiculous!

The legendary host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, had been eating his meal quietly in a corner before being harassed by hordes of asylum seekers in BMWs wearing Armani suits with hoods on.

A spokesman for Tarrant said he had "no recollection" of the events surrounding Sunday's night's arrest and he also added "Chris had one or two bottles of Cobra with my meal, and simply ordered the hottest thing they did. Just as any normal Englishman should on a Friday night. I most certainly did not make any racist remarks at the nappy-headed waiters and I did not make any unreasonable demands whatsoever".

Friends of Mr. Tarrant said that "Chris was engaged in a friendly discussion with a fellow diner and jokingly threw cutlery in his eyes and daubed mango chutney in his face. It was all very two way".

The Daily Mail thinks it is a ridiculous state of affairs when foreigners can be allowed to open curry shops and employ asylum seekers when there are thousands of hard working, White, Middle Class Brits waiting in line for jobs cleaning ovens in a curry house on Saturday night.


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