UnNews:Chris Isaak not sure about all this talk about "San Francisco values"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
11 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
SAN FRANCISCO, California, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK). LONG-TIME San Francisco resident Chris Isaak said he wasn't sure about all this talk about "San Francisco values" in the wake of the Democrats having picked up a few seats in some election or other.
"After the gig last night, me and Kenny Dale (drummer Kenny Dale Johnson) came back to my pad and we were so plumb tuckered out that I sat right down on the remote control and it turned the TV on and switched the station," Isaak said. "And there was (Fox News host) Bill O'Reilly saying that San Francisco values were all about persons of the homosexual persuasion dressing up as Jesus and other religious figures and performing lewd acts in public.
"Now I don't cast nasturtiums on persons of any kind of sexual or political persuasion, but I personally have too much respect for great gospel singers such as Mahalia Jackson and great Roman Catholics such as Carlos Santana to ever relieve myself on a Bible, for instance."
Isaak, whose hits include Wicked Game, Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing and San Francisco Days (San Francisco Nights), went on to make a statement of his own "San Fransico values".
"My values are all about bein' sad, lonely and blue," said the smashed-nosed songsmith-cum-sitcom-star. "Also, playin' a little rock'n'roll with my friends, maybe a little blues, a little country, maybe a Roy Orbison cover once in a while.
"And after that, I'd like to go get some Thai food or maybe go down to the docks for some crab claws and a couple of brews and then go home and make sweet, fragile, fleeting, doomed love to a beautiful woman."
The Republican Party's San Francisco city councilmen could not be contacted for comment.