|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
18 March 2006
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A recent study has shown that chipmunks under the influence of freebased cocaine are more productive on average than any given Uncyclopedian.
Non-Uncyclopedians are up in arms, claiming that the study went against all ethics, logic, and reason. Fortunately, vivisection of Uncyclopedians is not covered by any ethical restrictions.
Funding for this study was granted by Codeine & Co., the only company with no ethical reservations. "We were after a Templeton Foundation grant to scientifically prove that God exists," said company spokesman and Anti-White Individual Croissant Français, "but we couldn't get any LSD, only gak. And a line of coke is cheaper in central London than a cappuccino, which is really pretty fucking shameful when we're talking about Starbucks brand caffeinated detergent. And we actually used grey squirrels instead of chipmunks. Fucking plague they are in London, worse than the fucking pigeons. Say, love, you couldn't spare another line, could you? Cheers. *snort*"
As of now, nobody has responded.