UnNews:China adopts controversial new "Having Girls is for Fags" policy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
16 May 2011
Beijing, CHINA - A controversial new policy handed down from China's ruling Communist party has pronounced that all men found to be the father of a woman of any age can now be considered a faggot. A Spokesman for the government noted that, "The Chinese culture, often times ravaged by the unsightly mark of females, can now breathe safely knowing that spawners of these worthless besmirches on society will officially be labeled as such in public." The highly male-centric government of China has been trying to end the need for females in the birthing process for years, and has found recent success in a mix of "egg cultivation", "egg cloning", and "fetus pod" technologies that left the ruling party comfortable enough to come out with the policy. An anonymous high-ranking male within the party noted that they had been working on drafting such a policy for the past few years, but had an internal struggle between the "Female Babies are like Hot, Sweaty Assholes" policy, the "Females are for Shemales" policy, and the eventual winner, "Having Girls is for Fags" policy. It was finally decided on for its mix of being able to demean the having of female children, as well as allowing the Chinese government to not comment one way or the other on whether being a "Fag" is necessarily a bad thing, and allowing the public to make their own decision. "If the men with daughters in our society are as forward thinking and uncaring of their ancestry as we believe them to be, none of them should mind being called a Fag anyway."
News of the new policy was felt far and wide in the Chinese populace. There were calls from many Fags to grandfather in those who had female children before the policy was adopted, and for it to only include new fathers, but their plight found no sympathy within the ruling party. There were also some who stated that by having female children, they had to have had sex with a female, thus making them, in-fact, heterosexual men. The Chinese Spokesmen responded that the Government "Doesn't really listen to crazed ramblings of Fags much." The female populace of China were said to be outraged by the new policy, but no one really listened to them much, on account of their notably faggoty fathers.
Governments around the world were very negative of the new policy calling it "crude", and "demeaning." United States President Obama in particular came down on the law, calling it "a cry against human decency," and called for the Chinese Government to back-off and repeal the policy. Immediate response from a Chinese spokesman noted that "We do not need to take any advice from countries who currently owe us a couple trillion dollars." The spokesman also noted that President Obama was "...kind of a Fag anyway."
When this reporter asked the spokesman if the policy were successful, and female births in the country trickled and stopped, wouldn't it eventually create a horny male populace to turn to homosexuality to quench their needs, and, in-effect turning the entire population into that which the Chinese government was coming out against now, I was responded to as "a totally uncool buzz-kill," and to "Shut up, Fag."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|