UnNews:Child Loses Spelling Bee, Blames Fergie
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Child Loses Spelling Bee, Blames Fergie
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 29, 2016, 12:05:UTC)(
18 March 2007
Washington D.C, Virgina- Little Tommy grew up wanting to win a trophy. He was surrounded by a very athletic father who had a trophy room filled with golden statues, which pressured young Tommy into following the family tradition of winning a golden trophy. But poor Tommy was a skinny fellow and didn't participate in any sports(except Water Polo... With Sharks!) because he was allegedly "beaten up by the bigger kids".
It was heard that this was the reason for Tommy's enrollment into the field of spelling. Tommy also enjoyed long walks on the beach, even at his delicate age of 7 and enjoyed listening to his favorite hip hop artist Fergie. He told UNews reporters that his favorite song was "Fergalicious, and "I listen to it at night just before mommy and daddy go wrestling."
The incident occurred on March 7th, 2007 when Tommy decided to attend a Spelling Bee, hosted by The Trix Bunny. The judge gave him the word "Tasty" and he continued to spell it as his idol and icon would from the song Fergalicious, "T-A-S-T-E-Y". As every sane and penis wielding person knows, the correct spelling for tasty is "T-A-S-T-Y". Young Tommy was subsequently thrown out of the competition, disowned by his parents, and raped by Michael Jackson.
It was said that Tommy went on a sugar rampage at the local kindergarten eating all the milk and cookies in site. As he sat down to watch is favorite t.v show, BooBah a comericial for Sam Berienstein appeared. Tommy reportedly called Sam and proceeded to sue Fergie for $984,323.83 on misuse of the Engrish language and disturbing the peace. Fergie has declined to comment but has been seen talking to her lawyers and pissing her pants.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|