UnNews:Cheerilee murders student, said homicide sparked theories and reasons why said murderer killed student
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|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
9 August 2012
Ponyville, Greece -- It happened at night. No, not a regular night, but it was a special one. Nobody but Cheerilee, the victim and a deity, except for Shiva, saw it. A horse named Cheerilee R. Buttwipes, which became a teacher after studying in University of the Philippines and several sci-fi schools, murdered one of her students by scalping the said student's flesh, burning his genitals, and chopping said student to little pieces with a cutting tool after going for a night shift as he taught he could gain Ruble from Cheerilee. The body was found inside the freezer (first thought as a prop for another film) when one of the cooks was looking for his fancy salad he kept in the freezer. The police came and examined the body parts. It turned out that there was a strand of pink hair lying atop the spleen of the victim. The police first thought it was Fluttershy since she kept telling people to "stay outta my shed" but then the scientists took DNA tests of the hair strand and discovered it was actually Cheerilee's and not some other psychopath from some other film.
After they realize the culprit, Coffbergs Skit made several theories and reasons why Cheerilee murdered the student. Some of them are the following:
- The student was actually Cheerilee's rival, Gary Oak, who won another pokemon battle from her.
- The student asked Cheerilee to buy his weed or else she will die.
- The student was a class A troll who pissed off Cheerilee so much that it drove her to manslaughter.
- The student wrote something on the blackboard.
- The student was suicidal and paid Cheerilee 5 bits for a Machete in the groin.
- The student realized that Cheerilee was actually Freddy Krueger in disguise.
- The student knows Cheerilee is actually a Witch, the student being either Hansel or Gretel.
Despite all of the above being 96% accurate, they are still theories, which may just actually be Fairy tales made by a nutcase. The murder still remains a mystery, although the reason for the murder doesn't actually matter.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|