UnNews:Channel 4: Wanking will be shown
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Channel 4: Wanking will be shown
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 18:34:UTC)(
7 June 2007
LONDON, U.K. -- In a move which is sure to shock the British public, the UK's Channel 4 has decided to show photos of public masturbation. The photos will be part of a documentary entitled, 'A witness in the bedroom' and will be shown on 8 June. The programme will be a series of 5 minute shorts showing how and why human males play with their genitalia. The documentary will also take an in-depth look over whether or not this can actually cause blindness.
The chief of channel 4, Mr. Homaid Kamikaze, stated that he has no problem showing the photos. "These photos are graphic, but they are also informative. We feel they add signficantly to the documentary in question and are of tremendous importance to the healing of the nation."
The Royal family has taken great exception to the documentary and requested that it not be aired. Princes William and Harry have been on an anti-self abuse campaign for many years now, and feel that the photos are in poor taste. The princes' secretary recently wrote a letter to Channel 4 requesting the documentary not be broadcast. According to the letter, "we appeal to all forms of media throughout the world to appreciate fully that publishing such material causes great hurt to us, our father, our mother's family and all those who so loved and respected her." The letter furthermore went on to say, "we feel deeply saddened that such a low has been reached".
When asked about the princes' feelings on the matter, Mr. Kamikaze was blunt. "In commissioning this programme we absolutely did not intend to cause distress to the Princes. We unequivocally regret that distress has been caused to them by the press coverage and that the very broadcast of this film will cause further distress. However, Channel 4 must weigh these understandable emotions against the important public value which we believe there is in this documentary which we still believe to be a responsible film."
The programme is scheduled to aire 8 June 2007.