UnNews:Celt leader warns of Dacian-Thracian invasion
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Celt leader warns of Dacian-Thracian invasion
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, September 25, 2016, 10:35:UTC)(
24 December 2013
LUDTOWN, CeltLand -- King Dud Camercorrupticus of Britannia has warned his fellow Celts to stock up on the woad, as he warns a horde of Dacians and Thracians are poised to invade the country on the 1st January.
Painting his body a bright blue and dispensing with all clothing, King Camercorrupticus made a naked appeal for prejudice as he gave speech on the back of a chariot to his friends.
Celts and fellow Tories. Our country is about to be invaded by the Easterners coming to our country to install plumbing and the Single Imperial Currency on behalf of the Communist Roman Empire. This is not a time for reason or sitting around a table and discussing drainage but a call to preserve this way of life that has kept us happy since the end of the last Ice Age. "
Dismissing those Celts who said it was better to calm down as 'Yellow belly Liberals', Camercorrupticus is demanding maximum effort to stop the foreigners from crossing the Channel. Unable to pin point where the Dacians and Thracians were coming from exactly, Camercorrupticus waved his spear in the direction of Caledonia before changing it to point towards where he thinks Gaul is.
"I asked Emperor Herman Van Augustus in Brussels why he wasn't stopping the free movement of barbarians around Europe and I was told to adopt the single Imperial currency and sign up to the Civilisation Agreement agreed a few years back. I said in the great words of a Celtic war queen, Never..never never."
Estimates on the numbers of Dacians and Thracians successfully landing on the coasts of Albion are hard to make as most seem to have never heard of the island or its inhabitants.