UnNews:Carson campaign tries derangement
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Carson campaign tries derangement
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 18:06:UTC)(
2 February 2016
"There are those who go around proclaiming separation of church and state," Dr. Carson said, in an apparent reference to Thomas Jefferson. However, he insisted that "the Declaration of Independence says we have rights given to us by our creator, AKA God." Though that would seem to prove it, this reporter could not reach A.K.A. God for a comment. Several other Gods offered responses, but they might have been false gods. Caucus attendees would not buy into Dr. Carson's remarks, noting that the bearded "widows and orphans" the Obama Administration has settled in Iowa believe that the creator's real name is Allah, and that American society has to accommodate them, much as Germany now allows Muslim gang-rapes in public parks.
Dr. Carson made his remarks as the caucuses began their voting — overwhelmingly for Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and Marco Rubio. Dr. Carson's campaign had been faltering lately; in the final Fox News debate, anchorwoman Megyn Kelly had not even prepared a video montage of his lies to see if she could get Dr. Carson to stutter and sweat, a service she performed for the three leaders.
His campaign has been nearly as unorthodox as Mr. Trump's, now using an appeal to have the U.S. Government promote the Christian religion that is guaranteed to bomb in every other state. Dr. Carson announced a two-day vacation, perhaps unaware that New Hampshire's crucial election follows Iowa's by eight days. Using the government to espouse Christianity will land with an especially loud thud in the Granite State, where most social conservatives are holed up on hilltop farmhouses fighting off U.S. Marshals with shotguns. The break was portrayed as a "change of clothes" by campaign strategist Jason Osborne, who was able to tweet it out for the candidate but evidently not hit the laundromat.
Mr. Osborne insisted that the vacation is not a suspension of the campaign, like those of Rick Santorum and Martin O'Malley, though Dr. Carson might be forced to do just that, followed by a final appeal to pity.
- Ben Wolfgang "Ben Carson blasts separation of church and state, announces break from campaign". Washington Times, February 1, 2016