UnNews:Carpenter buys back rights to "Halloween"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
21 May 2010
HADDONFIELD, Illinois -- John Carpenter is buying back the Halloween franchise from the bankrupt Weinstein Company and
wanker director Rob Zombie -- with the hope to take the entertainment franchise that he launched to horror and slasher stardom in 1978, to new fans.
His Gimme Your Money Capital Group is also taking it to Warner Bros.’ New Line Cinema as the new U.S. home for the series, which is heading into its 11th film with a new director and writer, and the goal to rejuvenate the franchise, which was squandered after Zombie’s Halloween II bombed at the box office and left theaters by the third week.
The film, released August 28, 2009, was plagued with problems, starting with the March 3, 2009, firing of the brilliant Daeg Faerch from the role of Young Michael Myers that he so perfected in the previous film, 2007’s remake, Halloween. It didn’t end there -- other problems rose, such as hobo Myers, Deborah Myers’s ghost, Chase Wright Vanek taking over as Young Michael Myers (to godawful results!!!), the absence of Carpenter’s classic Halloween Theme until the end of the fucking movie, and an inco-fucking-herent plot. These ills became the nails in the coffin for Halloween II and the box office returns became the organist at the funeral.
"Surely, Moustapha Akkad was rolling in his grave when Rob made that H2 horseshit," Carpenter said at a press conference to announce the buyout. "The remake was light years better. H2 makes Halloween: Resurrection look like the original Halloween!"
Fans noticed that something was wrong when Halloween 3D was announced for a 2010 release before being shut down as soon as the announcement was made. It was to have been written by Todd Farmer and directed by Patrick Lussier (both of My Gratuitously Over-The-Top Bloody Harbor Day 3D). The real reason the film was shut down?
Carpenter loathed the direction Bob and Harvey Weinstein were taking the franchise, and on March 3, 2010 -- the anniversary of the controversial Daeg Faerch recast -- Carpenter lobbied to buy back the rights. "It took a lot of negotiation," he says, "but eventually, I was able to convinve them that Zombie was the Joel Schumacher of the franchise -- one good installment with a shitty follow-up."
Financial terms weren’t disclosed, but the price tag is believed to be less than $100 million. "The Weinsteins haven’t seen that much money since Stupid Movie 15," jokes Carpenter. "I hope they don’t find out I used a fraudulent check. Don’t print that, please." Too late, John.
Nickelodeon, in a deal similarly focused on reinvigorating an older franchise, last year bought Friday the 13th from New Line for $60 million; nobody is exactly sure why. Viacom owns both Nickelodeon and the Jason franchise’s original copyright holder, Paramount Pictures.
"I know there’s gonna be some copycat buyouts," Carpenter says, "but whoever said horror had any originality? It’s all about money now."
So, what does the future hold for the next film? "Hopefully some boobies," Carpenter jokes.
"Farmer and Lussier are out," he says. "I don’t know about the 3-D yet, but we are shopping for a visionary director who can take my original idea and bring it back to life without casting Zakk Wylde as Myers. The only thing I can honestly tell you is that the kid, Daeg Faerch, is returning as Young, Teen, and Adult Michael Myers... even if we have to arrive on his doorstep with a shitload of cash. If he can’t come back for another Halloween, then I’ll refuse to let another one be made, ever."
A 2011 release date is rumored.
- Georg Szalai and Paul Bond "Carpenter buys back Halloween from "bastard" Weinsteins". The Hollywood Reporter, May 12, 2010
- Ben Fritz "Best fucking news since Saban bought back the rights to Power Rangers". Los Angeles Times, May 13, 2010