UnNews:Captain Obvious appointed as cricket commentator
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Captain Obvious appointed as cricket commentator
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 18, 2017, 09:11:UTC)(
14 March 2007
“But why in God's name Captain Obvious?” That was the question asked by Neil Manthorp, another commentator who commentated on this new commentator. “Seriously... I'd rather listen to a 30 minute Phillip Glass composition then listen to 5 minutes of Captain Obvious saying things like 'you know, the bowlers should really aim for the stumps' or 'goodness, that ball went over the boundary, but hit the ground first, so it should be a four.' Ugh!”
Captain Obvious himself had nothing interesting to say about his appointment. Very few of us were surprised. In an official press statement he said: “They made me a commentator. This means I will sit in that commentator's box thing, and say things about what is happening on the cricket field at that time. I may even get to use a microphone.” After this brief statement on live television, several cricket lovers are said to have committed suicide.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
This was by no means an isolated case...
- A man from Iraq hung himself,
- a man from Japan drove a samurai sword through his heart,
- a man from Nantucket also kicked the bucket,
- Dick Cheney shot someone else in the face and
- a man from South Africa actually gnawed his own wrists off.
Will this be the end of cricket as we know it? We'll just have to wait and see. But watchers of the game all agree that the “mute” button now seems like a marvelous invention.