UnNews:Can Potter help find missing Maddie?
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Can Potter help find missing Maddie?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 25, 2016, 06:57:UTC)(
17 July 2007
FICTIONAL BOY WIZARD Harry Potter is to help the search for missing 4yr old Madeleine McCann using his magic powers. It is thought he may be able to pull the unfortunate girl from out of a hat or something. Bespectacled Potter will personally wave his wand around aimlessly in what is likely to be nothing more than yet another fruitless publicity stunt to divert attention away from the shocking neglect Madeleine suffered prior to her abduction.
Potter hopes that his efforts in "magicking the poor mite from thin air" will give further distraction to the UK media from focusing anywhere near the parent's ultimate responsibility in leaving pre-school children unattended and vulnerable. Unnews for one will not hear a bad word said about them!
Harry Potter said: "I fervently hope that with me displayed prominently all over the world, waving my magic wand around, will help ensure the parents can continue to escape sanction from the world media. It will, of course also not do any harm for sales of my new book."
The McCann family said they were delighted that Harry Potter is "on board". Madeleine's mother, Kate McCann, said: "We are overjoyed by this generous offer and would like to thank Harry, we will be sure to include him in our upcoming TV entertainment extravaganza"
The news comes just a few days after "Man of Steel" Superman offered his own services, "maybe I can jump over a few buildings in a single bound, or something." he said.
- (found her) "ORIANUS HORRIBALUS MAXIMO!". Malleminius dodecohedranus machinationius HORATIO!, July 16, 2007