Calls for Theresa May to resign over failure to resign

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27 March 2019

May fucked

Theresa May wanted to spend more time with her Scrabble

WESTMINSTER, London, Europe -- MPs and public are tonight calling for Theresa May to lose her job after she failed to deliver on her promise not to be in the job she is in anymore. The Prime Minister had earlier promised to leave her role and perform limited domestic cleaning duties, if MPs backed her negotiated deal to leave the European Union. But tonight the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP), who prop up the minority government, again refused to back May's deal, saying it did not deliver on something to do with some backstop thing that noone really cares about.

Ex-UKIP leader Nigel Farage took to Twitter to accuse the Prime Minister of being a middle-aged white ex-Tory male who's probably called Farage. "The Prime Minister has been humiliated again," he said "There's noone going to force me into that cubical again. Noone going to push my head into the bowl and pull the flush. It's not going to happen. IT NEVER HAPPENED."

Tory colleague and loyal supporter Boris Johnson jumped to May's defence, "I'm very happy to help Theresa by doing her job instead of her," he said tonight.

Later in the evening, an attempt to find some kind of consensus among MPs ended with all 8 proposals on how to deal with Brexit failing to get a majority. The most popular proposal, that all the MPs should strip naked and fight to the death, lost by just 6 votes. The failure to identify any way forward has lead to constitutional experts speculating that the UK maybe put into a spacial void in which all time is frozen and the concept of mass eliminated.

Earlier in the day, House of Commons Speaker John Bercow had warned that he wouldn't let the proposed meaningful vote for May's deal back into the chamber unless May dressed as a swan, something she has repeatedly refused to do for the majority of her career.

Friends and acquaintances of May tonight told how she has always struggled to leave behind previous jobs, to the effect that she still does a paper round five days a week and works as a waitress in a her old local Hooters.

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