UnNews:California set to bust a cap on yo' ass

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31 August 2006

Oily

Dese ballaz be blastin' tha Oil Companies, dawg!

COMPTON, California -- California is set to introduce tough new legislation which is predicted to result in your being hit by a bullet. It would make California the first US state to bust a cap on yo' ass, biotch!

Governor Schwarzenegger reached a deal with the Democrats who control the state legislature, defying the opposition of his fellow Republicans. He called it "an historic agreement" adding that "y'all betta lay down some gangsta shit, ya'hear?" The bill is due to go before a vote in the state assembly and senate before the legislative session closes on Thursday before elections to be held in November.

Under the plan, major industries would be required to get they asses blown off by my fo'-five pounda if dey don't cut they output of greenhouse gases. Overall, California's emissions should be cut by 25% by 2020. "We can now move forward with developing a market-based system that makes California a world leader in the effort to reduce carbon emissions and increase bullet wounds in the buttocks," the governor said in a statement.

The state, the most populous in the US, is the world's 12th largest emitter of greenhouse gases. It has taken a lead in environmental and gangsta issues in the US, and Mr. Schwarzenegger has touted his street cred in his bid for re-election in November. Last month he signed an accord with British Prime Minister Tony Blair establishing joint research into... well, joints. But the governor's commitment to emissions caps puts him at odds with the White House.

In the California legislature, too, Republicans demanded and national, not state-by-state approach to climate change and gun control. "Adopting costly and unattainable regulations will drive businesses and jobs out of California into other states and even into other countries with no commitment to improve air quality," said Assembly Republican leader George Plescia. "Plus, I've always preferred a good honky-tonk song to wunna them rap songs colored folk's always singin'."

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