UnNews:COBE satellite takes Universe' temperature
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COBE satellite takes Universe' temperature
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, November 25, 2015, 08:44:UTC)(
31 May 2006
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CAMBRIDGE MA, US -- MIT. the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, announced today that the data had been correlated, calculations made, and a patient chart created for the Universe, now that its anus has been located. Contrary to popular belief, it is not found on Uranus. Since 1583, when Olivia Newton-John discovered gravitational force, it's been known that the Universe had a temperature. It required the resources of a modern space agency, NASA, to get an accurate and precise reading.
Since the day of Edwin Hubble, astonomers have been predicting an apocolypse. Believing in "End Times" prophecy is nothing new to NASA. Since the civilization of Sumer, astrologers and shamii predicted as much, when the Anti-Christ is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars. By aiming COBE (Cosmic Background Explorer), and later WMAP (Wilkinson Microwave Anal Probe), at the spincter of the Universe, Dr. Eric Cartman was able to estimate the core body temperature of the Universe with great precision.
"The Universe is sick! Sick, sick sick!" said astrologer and Seventh Day Adventist pastor Ollie "Thelonious" McFlatulent. "These people ought to be ashamed of themselve, searching for the Lord's back side. All it really needs is prayer and a Naturopathic physician."