UnNews:Bush vows to learn new tricks in the New Year
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Bush vows to learn new tricks in the New Year
Straight talk, from straight faces
Tuesday, January 17, 2017, 23:38:UTC)(
2 January 2007
Consultants from Pakistan have been engaged by the Bush administration to help come to terms with the new world order, according to White House spokeperson Senator Barak Obama. Mr Obama, formerly a professor of divinity at the Washington Islamic School, explained that Mr Bush has been worried for some time that Pakistani quasi-religious outfits like the Taliban and Al Qaeda have been better at putting their messages across than have local American outfits like the Republican Party. Whilst the number of Republicans has been on the wane, the number of converts to Islam saw accelerated growth in 2006.
"Mr Bush is wanting to learn some tricks of the trade from his opposite numbers in Pakistani-based propaganda and activist organisations," explained Mr Obama. "You see, it's like this," he went on. "Many devout Americans are wanting to see the authority of the President strengthened. When they are seeing how Taliban holy fighters are being revered in places like Afghanistan and are having great power over all the people, many Americans are thinking, why are not the President and the President's men hallowed and revered in the same way by all Americans? They are seeing how Mr Bush's initiatives, like abandoning stem cell research and denying geological scientific data, are making true believers cheer very enthusiastically and wave their arms around vehemently."
Now, it seems, Mr Bush is "off-shoring" his propaganda machine and hopes to learn how to become even more effective. Senior aides were dispatched to special training camps near Islamabad just before Christmas. Mr Obama mentioned that, as well as reduced direct costs by operating out of Pakistan, he is expecting military benefits as well, since Pakistani munitions experts have developed cheap and cheerful ways of producing bombs for sabotage initiatives that are way ahead of what the mighty US military machine is capable of.
The President is quoted as saying, "Since 9/11, we've been fighting with one arm tied behind our backs. Now, with this new thinking, in no time at all we'll be as effective as our friends in Pakistan, and we'll soon have the American people eating out of our hands. I'm fed up with Americans who don't support our war on terra, and my message to them now is - we're gonna come and get you, even if that means having some of our erstwhile enemies lend a helping hand."
edit Foot & Mouth Note
Having been placed before Department in Internal Security advisers, the Uncyclopedia editorial team has received notice that items like this must not appear on servers hosted on US territory. Therefore take note that any implied criticism of the American Government, satire intended to make the international community laugh at American Government policies in ways that are deemed facetious, sarcastic or just plain funny will be ruthlessly censored, deleted, damaged or otherwise rendered. Any Internal Security advisor reading this is invited to flag this article for immediate deletion as an article of no merit by placing the appropriate tag in the article.
- George Orwell "[ Animal Farm]". Penguin, Jan 01, 2009