UnNews:Bush vetoes Voting Rights Act
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Bush vetoes Voting Rights Act
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, June 26, 2016, 12:01:UTC)(
21 July 2006
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WASHINGTON, DC: For only the nth time of his entire presidency, President Bush this morning cast his veto, this time targeting the 25 year renewal of the Federal Voting Rights Act of 1965, after passing through both houses of Congress by overwhelming majorities.
Having recently tasted the unabridged joy of shooting down vitally-needed medical legislation earlier this week, the President cackled with unrestrained glee as he wielded his mighty red-ink-dripping pen of flaming death and scribbled all over the historic document with dozens of disparaging slash marks and inflammatory racist doodles. Bush also took the trouble of repeatedly stapling to it a dog-eared newspaper clipping of Martin Luther King, which seemed to have acquired numerous embellishments such as googly eyes and goofy nerd glasses and blacked-out teeth, as if hastily applied with a large felt-tipped marker. Finally, the maniacally laughing President crumpled the defaced parchment into a tight ball and hurled it back at a nameless and shocked congressional aide for to carry it back to Capitol Hill, where it will almost certainly garner the necessary two-thirds support for override.
After the President had calmed down somewhat from the excitement of his unseemly behavior, he addressed an impromptu press conference and, interspersed with barely-suppressed giggles, attempted to soothe their horrified concerns.
"Hey, I got absolutely nothing to lose here by slapping my veto on that bill," said Bush to stunned reporters. "After all, it was sent to me by the Senate 98-0, which is practically unonymous no matter how you slice it, so Congress'll have no problem whatsoever sailing it right over my head, and with no conceivable harm done." After pausing briefly to relieve himself of a few more hearty chuckles, the President continued "Sure, I told them guys at the NAAPC I would be happy to sign it with flying colors (pfffft-hehe). So I fibbed, what difference is it gonna make? Huh? Huh??? Plus, it felt goooooood!"
"Think of it this way," as Bush blabbered on to the flabbergasted press corps, "this is the perfect demonstration of American Democracy in action. I exercise my God-given right to veto. Them guys will still retain their God-given right to exercise their right to vote. Nothing has changed! Nothing! Not only that, this goes on to prove how utterly meaningless either of our 'spective actions are, just like in all real-life elections."
A few minutes later, after President Bush thought all the cameras had been shut off, he was inadvertently recorded by a live microphone whilst muttering under his breath, "Hot damn, that veto sh*t is awesome! Where that German bitch at?!"