UnNews:Bush undercuts Hezbollah, sends aid to Lebanon
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26 August 2006
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BERUIT, Lebanon -- Today President Bush responded to the terrorist organization Hezbollah, which has been giving Lebanese civilians thousands of dollars to help them rebuild their homes, businesses, and lives after the Israeli missile attacks. "Yeah," Bush said, "I gots a wooden Texas nickel I'm sendin' to them Lesbianese war victims. And Laura is seriously considering donating them a expirified 1983 bus token." The President went on to explain that his personal generosity would counter the erroneous idea that America does not care about Muslim suffering.
"See, Hezbollah don't do nothin' for their people except defend 'em and try to drive out invading armies and give 'em money and shit. Now, the USA, we benefit them sand niggers by killing 'em! Heh heh, just a little joke there. Really, I am a fair and balancing leader of freedom: I'm sending the Israelis more tanks, missiles, bombs, and money; and just like I said I am sending them Lesbianese a wooden nickel."
Donald Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Shock and Awe, said that as a result of the US campaign to win the goodwill of Muslims the approval rating for Hezbollah among Muslims had gone from 78% to 98% in the last week. Recruitment to the terrorist organization would no doubt be dealt a heavy blow by the Wooden Nickel Campaign, Rumsfeld opined.