UnNews:Bush to announce Iraqi troop increase
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Bush to announce Iraqi troop increase
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 30, 2016, 14:31:UTC)(
10 January 2007
Washington, D.C. Tuesday -- President Bush is expected tomorrow to announce the deployment of an additional 20,000 Iraqi troops onto American soil in an attempt to regain control of the government with the goal of handing it off to American officials by 2008.
"It's about time that Americans realize who is in control of their government," Bush said in a statement to the press earlier today. "That is, the Iraqi government has not yet handed full control to America."
Bush is also expected to announce additional plans for improving security in response to the events of the terrorist attacks of November 9.
Sources close to Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki report that Maliki is reluctant to redeploy troops at this time. Widespread fears of intervention from insurgent leaders Oprah Winfrey may have added to his caution. Winfrey's recent opening of a terrorist training academy has only added to military tensions.
"I think what Iraqis need to understand," said and unnamed Iraqi intelligence advisor, "is that America isn't ready to control itself yet. We still have dangerous criminals giving away cars, and we never know who might be next."