UnNews:Bush mistakes military hospital for Halloween haunted house
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Bush mistakes military hospital for Halloween haunted house
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 24, 2017, 10:38:UTC)(
1 November 2006
WASHINGTON, DC -- President George W. Bush was faced with embarrassment on Tuesday after reports that he mistook a military hospital with war wounded for a Halloween haunted house. The gaffe happened during the Commander in Chief's visit to the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC. Officials blame the President's secretary, who was clearly instructed beforehand not to schedule potentially confusing events; Bush was expecting to participate in Halloween related events on October 31st.
Officials realized that Bush was confused as to the nature of his visit right from the start, when he showed up dressed up as Saddam Hussein, proclaiming he was "the scariest evildoer ever." For fear of a White House policy that "the President is always right," staffers didn't inform Mr. Bush that he was actually at a hospital. The visit was intended to show that the President cares about America's soldiers during a spike of violence in Iraq.
Entering the amputee wing, Mr. Bush proclaimed, "Wow, this is great. Everything looks so realistic. Must be some great special effects." When one soldier, fresh out of facial reconstruction surgery, moaned in pain, the President jumped back and remarked, "Whew! You scared me there boy. What a great acting job - you could make it in Hollywood one day!" Sources say Bush was particularly impressed with the "realistic blood and gore" but was disappointed that the venue was "too bright." He also added, "Maybe next time they could paint the walls black - that would be a nice touch."
Doctors became particularly nervous when the President started "tricking" wounded soldiers after he realized they didn't have any treats for him. After yelling "trick or treat" and getting no response from one comatose officer, Mr. Bush disconnected his breathing tube, sparking a brief panic. But he thought the ensuing commotion was just "part of the show" and so he continued on with the tour. He later remarked that his initial expectations for the haunted house were low, but that ultimately he had fun and "misunderestimated" the scariness. After finally leaving, Bush wanted to stop by "that spooky graveyard" when his motorcade drove by the Arlington National Cemetery, but his Chief of Staff declined, saying it was past the President's bedtime.
After news of the embarrassing visit first broke, the White House and Fox News kicked their PR spin machines into high gear. Press Secretary Tony Snow acknowledged there was a "misunderstanding" but blamed the previous administration for the root of the problem, "If President Clinton and his Medicare tax & spend policies didn't support funding for Walter Reed, the medical center would be closed by now and we wouldn't have had this problem." He then tried to shift focus to the upcoming elections, warning that if Democrats win "all of America will be turned into a terrorist-filled haunted house."