UnNews:Bush had Sex and Didn't Realize it
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Bush had Sex and Didn't Realize it
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015, 01:37:UTC)(
7 November 2007
Washington D.C., Washington: In a surprise move earlier today, during his usual anti-sex press conferences, Bush revealed that he had sex last night and did not realize it until now. A policeman arrived at the scene to help qualm the havoc that ensued. He got the following witness statements, the first being from one Random Guy:
"I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden, the president dropped an A-bomb on us. I ran out of the hall, holding my hands to my ears, not aware of the blood that was coming out. I just have one thing to say to Mr. Bush: Thanks for blowing out my eardrums with that groundbreaking news, George."
At this point, the policeman wished to question his superior's decision to send him here, but decided against it. He instead chose to help out the victims of this massive attack on humanity 'in any way possible', proceeding to question Witness X, who was profusely bleeding out of her ears:
"I'm so ashamed that I belong to this country now! But I too have had a revelation: Our president is the dumbest person in the world! Thanks for poisoning my mind with such profane things, Mr. Bush!"
Everyone is expected to make a full recovery from this incident, according paramedics on the scene late this afternoon. The only person NOT expected to make a full recovery was Bush, who is past all hope of saving with modern medicine.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|