UnNews:Bush disappointed that people don't make fun of him any more
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Bush disappointed that people don't make fun of him any more
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 2, 2015, 10:50:UTC)(
2 August 2008
"Was it all that long ago that I was the number one target of satirists, humorists and just plain smart-asses the world over?" he asked.
"What's changed? I'm still stupid as hell, and crazy to boot!" he said, squashing a slice of chocolate bavarian pie under his armpit to prove his point, then adding "Huh? Huh?"
"Where has the magic gone? At my height, I was like Nixon and Ford rolled into one. Everyone wanted a laugh at my expense! I know everyone wants to get started on the geezer and the negro, but good ole Dubbya's still here, still shitting on common sense and human decency. Come on, people, I've still got, like, six months left in office. Is a photoshopped image showing me fellating oil executives too much to ask?"
But Bush's strangely emotional plea seems unlikely to be fulfilled. According to Dr. William Hays of The Political Institute for Satirical Studies, a Washington-based think-tank, Bush will probably never regain his status as a comedy icon.
"You only have to look at the situation now to see just how badly Bush has lost it," he said. "Most of the satirists have gone over to mocking his potential successors. And what sort of comedy have they found? A cranky old guy, and a guy with a slightly funny name? Not comedy gold here. And yet they've unseated the King of Being the Butt of Contemporary Political Satire himself. Face it, Bush is tapped out. It's time to take down that collage that shows that Bush looks like a chimp, and to start deliberately mispronouncing the word Obama."
Others disagree. Prof. Donald Brasco of the prestigious Harvard University Department of Comedy Studies suggests that Bush could still regain enough of his old mojo to end his presidency on a high note. "One hates to praise a boorish Yalie like Bush, but he has been the most hilarious US President in decades," he said, "An appalling sense of timing, poor judgment skills, a tendency to surround himself with crooks and deceivers, a juvenile understanding of global affairs and above all that legendary mangling of the English language - these are the elements that make George W. Bush one of the great comedy characters of our time. At the next election he will be replaced, but he will never be topped. And in the meantime, he's just one natural disaster or international crisis away from one of his classic scenes of confusion, misplaced blame and Basil Fawlty-esque determinedly wrong action."
Back at the press conference, Bush's gloom was palpable. "The invasion of Iraq was a histrionic occasion. John Ashcroft was my first Attorney-Gerbil. Come on, you used to love my malapropisms!" he said, almost in tears.
"What do I have to do to get you people laughing at me again? Wait! I've got it!"