UnNews:Bush announces pricelist for government jobs
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Bush announces pricelist for government jobs
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 17, 2018, 11:26:UTC)(
12 December 2008
WASHINGTON, DC- In an attempt to raise money for the Federal treasury, American President George W Bush announced today a current price list for buying government jobs.
"This is a time of economic crisis," warned the President. "We have to do everything within our power to raise money to bailout the banks, the automobile manufacturers, and other incompetants."
According to the plan, the prices listed are only a starting point. "I believe Governor Blagovich was ahead of the curve on this matter," said the President. "We fully intend to put the following jobs up for bid. It's the best way to ensure a fair price."
The new government pricelist is as follows:
- Mayor (minor US city) - $25,000
- Mayor (major US city) - $45,000
- Governor - $120,000
- Foreign Ambassador - $180,000
- Congressman - $200,000
- Cabinet seat - $300,000
- Senator (minor state) - $350,000
- Senator (major state) - $450,000
- Supreme Court Justice - $500,000
- Supreme Court Chief Justice - $600,000
Upon the list's release, the President was very quick to rationalize the pricing structure. "I want to be clear to the American people that these numbers are just a starting point. We're not going to allow these jobs to go for just anything. I feel this will facilitate the bidding process and allow us to maximize our revenue.".
"We were even considering making the auction more visible to the public by handling it on E-Bay," the President continued. "I truly feel that technology has a role to play in the way our government works."
When asked by one reporter how much the position of President was going for, Bush became pensive and replied, "I'm not sure. How much did Obama pay?"
- Noah Fence "[ 'Bush announces pricelist for government jobs']". http://www.foxnews.com/, Dec 12, 2008