UnNews:Bush Makes Surprise Visit To White House
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
14 June 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON DC, US -- President Bush made an unannounced visit to the White House on Tuesday, which was especially surprising because it came during the height of his vacation season. The top secret visit was planned by only a handful of aides, and a select pool of reporters weren't notified until hours before the event.
This was Bush's first visit to the White House since the appointment of new chief of staff Dan Bartlett a few months ago. Even Bartlett himself was unaware of the upcoming visit - he was summoned to the Roosevelt Room for what was supposed to be a teleconference with the President at Camp David, but he was instead stunned to see the president in person. White House staff barely had time to dust off the desk in the Oval Office, but Bush didn't mind, quipping, "I hardly ever do work there"... "or anywhere!" he added with hearty laughter.
The 5-hour-long visit focused on playing with pet dog Barney, sampling food from the White House kitchen, and of course taking a lengthy nap in the presidential residence. Spokesman Tony Snow revealed that having Bush spend the night in Washington was, "out of the question because the President had to resume vacationing."
The official schedule for Tuesday had Bush resting at the retreat in Camp David, Maryland, and then flying to his ranch in Crawford, Texas, where he was to do some brush clearing. Instead, the president was covertly transported aboard an unmarked helicopter to Washington, where the craft landed on the White House South Lawn under cover of darkness. A motorcade of black SUVs then drove the entourage on the 6 minute trip to the building's front doors. Aides say the ultra-high level of secrecy was maintained on account of vice president Dick Cheney, who experts feared might suffer a heart attack if he learned Bush was actually trying to do some work and run the country.
"It's great to be here on this brief visit," said Bush upon arrival to the assembled White House staff, but after eyeing the crowd he wondered, "But where is my good buddy Scooter Libby?" Karl Rove gently filled him in on the Plame leak investigation indictments. The President listened intently and asked, "So what else has been going on in the past year around here? I heard some rumors about a hurricane in New Orleans." Before aides could reply though, the president expressed that he was feeling a bit tired, and so was directed to the bedroom suite for his nap.
The surprise visit was hailed as a success, but it is unclear when Bush will return to the Oval Office. Analysts say it certainly won't be until the summer is over, and the schedule beyond that is murky. A senior official requesting anonymity added, "There are acres and acres of brush to clear down in Crawford, and it's unlikely that the president will be done by the end of the year."