UnNews:Bush Launches War on Quakes
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Bush Launches War on Quakes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 30, 2016, 22:47:UTC)(
30 May 2008
"We need to buckle up and get ready for a ride. This war isnt going to be a quick in and out like we're all used to. This is China. And China is big. Or is this Japan? I can never remember which one is the Commie one... Oh well. We'll begin bombing both in a few minutes."
Congress has cut any possible funding for the foolish war. However, Social Security monies will be diverted from "liberal pensioners, minorities George Bush has never heard of, and non-Christians, mostly" to fund the unfunded war, according to Garth Brooks, Senior black spokesman for White House Buggery.
"We're going to smoke them quakes out of the holes they come from. We're gonna get 'em from every side. We got battleships all around, Death Star above, and we're gonna send a nuke through the earth and out the other side because I saw it in a movie," added a somewhat concious George Bush.