UnNews:Bruce Willis farts in "Die Hard"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| This UnNews article smells funny...|
...and has been awarded a pine-scented air freshener.
Bruce Willis farts in "Die Hard"
The news outlet with approval higher than Congress
Friday, March 24, 2017, 20:08:UTC)(
21 June 2010
RICKMAN, Oklahoma -- On May 3, Chad Hendrix, 14, and his friends watched the 1988 action-film classic Die Hard for the first time ever, expecting to be entertained for two hours, and were they ever! No, not because of the movie, but because of Bruce Willis’s "trumpet solo."
In the scene in which Willis’s character, John McClane, opens up the elevator shaft and climbed inside, the teens heard a short loud fart. Hendrix turned to his girlfriend, Jessica Myers, 16, and shouted her name. She said "it wasn't me!" They kept asking everybody in the room if they had ripped the flatulence; they all said no and decided to replay the scene without interruptions.
However, another fart occured in the exact same spot. Frustrated, Hendrix kept replaying the scene over and over until he realized that Willis was the one rivaling a great Louis Armstrong trumpet solo. "I was like, 'Did Bruce Willis just fucking fart?'," Hendrix said in an exclusive interview with UnNews.
Hendrix finished the movie that night, and then took his story to the press the next day. Refusing to cover the story were CNN, The Denver Post, The Oklahoman, Fox News, The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, New York Times, People Magazine, MAD Magazine, the defunct Cracked Magazine, Nickelodeon Magazine, National Enquirer, CBS News, MTV News, E! News, Nick News, Channel One News, Flatulence Weekly, Playboy, and others.
|“|| I just saw the film for the first time last night -- and loved the hell out of it. But I couldn't help but notice this. When John McClane (Bruce) opens up the elevator shaft and climbs in, there's a weird sound as if he farts. I had to do a double take and laugh. Like, "Who pays $10 to hear the hero fart?"
So my question is, was it really a fart or some other sound? Yes, this is probably the most bizarre question ever asked in the history of Die Hard. [laugh smilie]
Nobody has bothered to so much as notice the posts as of yet. Hendrix decided to amplify his voice by writing letters to 20th Century Fox, Alan Rickman, director John McTiernan, and Willis himself. That was all it took to get some attention.
All four parties wrote back acknowledging the now-infamous toot, and every media organization that had turned down the story had decided to change their minds and cover it. Frequent fart machine Larry King got a big ratings boost on June 10, when Willis, Rickman, McTiernan, and fartologist Aaron Pance exposed Puff the Magic Dragon live on the air.
Cinephiles literally shit themselves when the -- second -- bombshell was dropped, wondering how the first bomshell went unnoticed for 22 years. Willis answered that question simply with, "Hey, everybody farts."
When asked what he ate that day, he answered, "I can't remember. It might have been burritos, tacos, popcorn, hell, it could have been anything."
We'll have more on this story as it, ahem, breaks.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|