UnNews:Britney Spears finally gets her eyes checked, files for divorce from Kevin Federline
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Britney Spears finally gets her eyes checked, files for divorce from Kevin Federline
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 26, 2016, 16:02:UTC)(
23 November 2006
LOS ANGELES, California - In a shocking series of events, former American pop idol, Britney Spears, filed for divorce against her husband and "baby daddy" after having her vision improved by a complicated and expensive as hell eye laser surgery. While it has been known for sometime that Spears and Federline were going to divorce, new details continue to rise as to how and why.
News agencies close to Spears and Federline (UnNews not being one of them) explain that only eight weeks after the birth of their second child, Spears' vision, which was always a problem, became worse.
After seeing a local optometrist, Spears scheduled a breakthrough LASIK surgery with a California eye surgeon. The surgery, which was brief and successful, proved to be a life changing event for Spears.
When the bandages came off, Spears eyes immediately looked at her husband, Kevin Federline. Thinking he was a member of the paparazzi, she immediately shot him in the eye with pepper spray and called the police. What happens then is unclear, though rumors suggest Federline was beaten savagely by police.
Spears was then informed by friends and family that her and Federline were in fact married. She filed for a divorce the next day.
In a recent interview, Federline made the following statement:
|“||It's like, she be trippin' cuz she saw me for me da' first time, ya'know? She wa' like, "God damn!" and I wa' like, "Hey gurl, why you be trippin'? We been married fo' like, two years baby...wat da' fuck? Ey, put the spray away, hoe!" We ain't talked since. This shit is wack.||”|