UnNews:British nordic combined skier chosen 'the biggest fail of FIS WC'

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

British nordic combined skier chosen 'the biggest fail of FIS WC'

We distort, you deride

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 06:21:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

6 March 2011


Lambert is proud of being a British. However, we don't know if Britain is proud of him. But he's safe and sound after all.

OSLO, Norway -- The FIS World Ski Championships 2011 are not yet over, but James Lambert has already been named the worst skier.

The verdict was unanimous among supporters, delegates and coaches. Lambert represented the U.K. in nordic combined skiing, a discipline combining ski jumping and cross-country skiing.

James Lambert was actually the favorite for the award before the event for several reasons. The 45-year-old Brit debuted in international competitions at Oslo. He is an actual ski jumper, not a nordic combined skier, but he realized that nordic combined skiers are worse ski jumpers than actual ski jumpers, so he had better chances to edge out at least one other player. The British Federation wanted to ban him from championships, but he kept asking them for so long that they allowed him to compete with nordic combined skiers.

Nevertheless, Lambert disappointed his supporters and placed predictably last. He was not only last but 20 metres behind second-to-last skier Andriy Parkhomchuk from the Ukraine. Lambert's result was 57 metres on K-90 hill. (Video)

But that was not the end of Lambert's performance. Moving on to the cross-country part, Lambert began 7:39 min. behind the leader and over 3 minutes behind Parkhomchuk. According to the rules, Lambert started his run 3 minutes after the leader (but the time difference would be added to his time after crossing a finish line). However, Lambert probably broke a record, when he was lapped after somewhat less than 2 kilometers--one fifth the full distance--and was not allowed to finish the run.

Lambert wanted to take part in a second nordic combined competition (on a bigger hill) but was not allowed to do this. The jury excluded him from the competition after 3 rounds of training because his jumps on the bigger, K-120 hill were as short as those on the K-90 hill. "It was a political decision," Lambert commented on the jury's decision, not realizing that he could severely injure himself if he were allowed to compete.

Lambert actually made an effort to repeat the unsuccessful performance of another British ski jumper - Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards, who showed his lack of ski-jumping ability during the Olympic Games in Calgary.

edit Sources

Personal tools