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Britain to get tough on acronyms

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2 July 2015

Daesh1

What name to call ISIS?

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister David Cameron has announced an urgent national search for a different name or acronym for 'ISIS' to strike fear in the stoney hearts of all murderous thugs in the Middle East.

'ISIS,' 'ISIL,' or 'Islamic State,' explained Cameron, all give the unfortunate impression that the group is Islamic. This taints all Muslims as certainly as, for instance, if the American President were to be called by his own actual middle name.

Speaking in the House of Commons, Cameron outlined his government plans to crack down in the misapplication of the term 'Islamic State' by media organisations, including the arch recruiters of terrorism, the BBC. In the Arab world ISIS are known as 'DAESH' which is an abbreviation/mangling of Bertie Wooster's regular exclamation 'Dash it, Jeeves!'.

'It is up to my government to come up with an agreed term we can all use to describe these blood-thirsty murdering fanatics. Calling them ISIS or Islamic State will no longer do. We know from history that once you have a good name to call the enemy, they will look ridiculous. After all, the Nazi menace itself didn't call themselves that, nor did the Communists liked to be called the Bloody Bolsheviks either. So this really matters.'

He outlined that the government had come up a few ideas on the back of a menu a few days ago:-

Balsamic Dressing (BD)
Beards in Black Ninja (BIBN)
Bloody Nuisance (BN)
Russell Brand (not an acronym)

Cameron said once all agree on a range of names to choose from, Simon Cowell will be invited to make this into a game show. The lucky winners whose name for Islamic State, ISIS and European Union gets chosen will be sent on the first bombing mission against the centre of all this hate: BBC Broadcasting House.

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