UnNews:Britain and Spain to go to war for nostalgic reasons
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Britain and Spain to go to war for nostalgic reasons
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 24, 2016, 14:42:UTC)(
19 August 2013
In the biggest naval punch-up since the Battle of Trafalgar, British and Spanish ships clashed in the waters around the Rock of Gibraltar. Gesticulating Spaniards and stoical British heroes exchanged broadsides of words and fish heads as each declared Gibraltar belonged to them and not a bunch of tax dodging monkeys.
Admiral Heroico Cameron led the British navy as it sailed towards the embattled headland. His opposite number Commandante El Shifty Rajoy said the monkeys hadn't paid any tax since they first colonised the Rock when the Ice Age finished and owed €30 billion Euros in back taxes. An excitable Rajoy said:
"Those apes have been on Gibraltar for too long. Sitting on their bums and scratching each other arses, this is a national insult I want to avenge. We are going to drive those hairy pirates off their ledge and get off and join a zoo."
Flying the signal "BLIGHTY EXPECTS CAMERON TO REJOICE WITH MAGGIE. Admiral Cameron's ships aimed for the heart of the Spanish fishing fleet but then ran aground on a makeshift reef of shopping trolleys, uneaten Fish and Chips and discarded 'Willy and Katie' memorabilia.
Coming on to deck, Admiral Cameron offered up his deputy captain Nick Clegg as mediator whilst he waited to refloat his fleet. Clegg paddled towards to the new Spanish Armada with a list of promises and pledges but his vessel was sunk by a stray cannonball fired from his own side. Admiral Cameron was seen then to hoist the flag "REMEMBER FANNY DRAKE" and urged his ships to tackle the Spanish ships.
"OK enough of this talking stuff. For England and St.Maggie."
Reporters say the two fleets were quickly enveloped in a deep sea mist which has since obscured anyone from outside to work out what was going on. A spokes monkey for the apes said 'leave us alone and let us keep gambling'.