UnNews:Britain's pay day loan agreement pleases China
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Britain's pay day loan agreement pleases China
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, March 19, 2018, 14:50:UTC)(
22 October 2015
LONDON, United Kingdom -- China's President Xi Jinping and wife Peng Liyuan expressed enormous satisfaction after their successful shopping trip to Great Britain this week. Arriving back in Beijing with bulging suitcases of British currency and I.O.Us, Jinping said it was China's revenge for what the British had done to them in the two Opium Wars in the 19th Century. Jinping smiled broadly as he spoke to the Chinese people on television:
We have avenged the great insult on our nation by the British Queen Victoria in the 19th century. I had great fun pointing out at all the looted porcelain at Buckingham Palace and asking Queen Elizabeth if she had a receipt for all our stuff. But in the spirit of Chinese good manners and generosity, I told her she could keep those cultural items in exchange for accepting the terms of our pay day loan guarantee to Britain to build nuclear power stations. We pay them £1.00 and in return they pay back £1000 annually for the next 50 years.
British Prime Minister David Cameron said paying the Chinese to build new nuclear power stations was 'a price worth paying if you're bankrupt.' He said Xi Jinping was a statesman and that his wife Peng Liyuan sang like a nightingale. To remind everyone of her voice, Peng gave signed copies of her album to the British royal family to remember her stay. The songs include:
- I Shop to Conquer
- Learn Chinese
- Downton Abbey Falls to the Red Army.
Other favoured guests were given Chinese smartphones which mysteriously dialed a number in Shanghai and downloaded a lot of updates. Cameron defended his government's decision to sign the agreement with China.
We now have new partners in the world. This will show the USA that Britain can have more than one master. It will depend on who gives the best tummy tickles.
Following diplomatic protocol, Xi Ping met fellow Communist Jeremy Corbyn of the Labour Party by the grave of Karl Marx in Highgate, London. Corbyn said the meeting had 'gone well' but that Ping had 'forgotten' his name and kept calling him 'Dave.'
In the United States, President B.H. Obama called the move another example of his strategy of 'leading from behind.' He proudly said he has China doing the unwelcome job of interfacing to the United Kingdom, Russia has taken the initiative in the war in Syria although rearranging the targets, Germany has stepped up to the task of storing American corporations' profits, and Pakistan is still brilliant at customer service.
- Mike Meltdown "China and Britain sign nuclear power station deal.". The Guardian, October 21, 2015