UnNews:Bobby Brown goes on Montreal shooting rampage after Houston divorce filing
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
14 September 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
MONTREAL, Quebec -- Singer Bobby Brown was arrested Wednesday after going on a mad shooting rampage at a Montreal college. The tragic massacre was attributed to Brown's despair after learning that his wife Whitney Houston filed for divorce. "I can't live without her!" the singer shouted while spraying gunfire randomly.
The 14 year-long celebrity marriage has been closely followed by tabloids. Although it was tumultuous at times, apparently Bobby Brown was caught by complete surprise by the divorce filing. Sources close to the singer say that as soon as he heard the news, he boarded his private jet and for unknown reasons asked to be flown to Montreal, claiming that "laws are a lot less strict in Canada." There, he allegedly snorted a few ounces of cocaine, pulled out a semi-automatic, and began his random violence.
Police swarmed the area, but had a tough time cornering the coked-up Brown. "It was like that scene from "Scarface,"", described one officer at the scene, "You know, at the end, where everyone is shooting at him but he's still up there on the balcony shooting back." Additional complications arose that the police in Quebec are French, so they weren't actually armed. eventually though, when Brown ran out of bullets, SWAT team members were able to subdue him using batons.
Whitney Houston's publicist Nancy Seltzer said that Whitney was "shocked" at the killing spree, but not really surprised. "Bobby always said he would 'get coked up and do something crazy' if I tried to divorce him," Houston was quoted as saying. But her lawyers say she is in no way responsible for what happened because she assumed Brown was "just kidding." After all, the exemplary singer had absolutely no history of violence, especially domestic violence.
The shooting incident is scheduled to air on a special new episode of Bravo's "Being Bobby Brown" next week. It is unclear what Houston's motivations behind the divorce were, but rumors are spreading that recent revelations about Osama Bin Laden's obsession with the woman sparked her interest. Others, however, say Houston is wistful about her days starring in "The Bodyguard," and wants to hook up with Kevin Costner to make another blockbuster.