UnNews:Black man released in kidnapping case
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
18 September 2009
Huntsville, Alabama - On September 14th, it was reported that an 11 year old boy, fearful of showing his parents a poor report card, had made up a story involving his being kidnapped by a man in a "beat up car", but being able to escape with only his band instrument, but not his book bag, which held the report card.
In the most recent update, it was reported by the Huntsville Police Chief today that LeRoi Jones, an unemployed drifter and African American, was released, just four days after the boy admitted it was a hoax, and with only minimal bruising. Chief Coltraine says that they no longer believe that there is any purpose in holding LeRoi for questioning in the kidnapping of that boy, and that they have no further interest in charging him with that made up crime.
"This is a great day in America, and further affirmation that in this new Obama era that race truly does not matter.", said Mayor Bascom of Huntsville. "Forty years ago, a guy like LeRoi would have been hung before the boy had a chance to fess up to his grandpa. Heck, even twenty years ago, we'd have kept holding him in case some other crime came along that we could pin on him. But I'm proud to say that this is indeed the New South, and as such, no black man need fear being held for more then three or four days on a trumped up and groundless accusation."
LeRoi Jones was unavailable for comment, as he took the police Chief's advice that there may be more opportunities for him outside of the city of Huntsville that he should avail himself of immediately. When advised of this, President Obama said that Chief Coltraine may have acted "stupidly", but White House staff relate that the President is expected to apologize to the Chief later over a beer.