UnNews:BinaryBuntu Announced

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BinaryBuntu Announced

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2 July 2006

In a move that has not surprised critics all over the IT world, Mark Shuttleworth has outdone hiself again by announcing another completely useless version of Ubuntu, name Binarybuntu. It is an attempt to allow people to run Ubuntu, albeit a cut-down version which doesn't feature a kernel or indeed any useful functions, on just about any electronical decive, from calculator watches to morse code trainers. This unexpected news mark a flurry of activity on the new #binarybuntu IRC channel. A log was taken approximately three seconds after the launch:

(23:23)marky_shuttleworth:w00t! binarybuntu is here.
(23:23)marky_shuttleworth: betcha didn't c it comin
(23:23)operator_bot:Please do not use 'leet' or 'text' speek here
(23:24)marky_shuttleworth: wtf?
(23:24)operator_bot: I am a generic program designed to enforce the rules on this channel. 
If you wish to see my source code, IM marky_shuttleworth
(23:25)mark_shuttleworthy: I'm the real Mark Shuttleworth!
(23:26)mshuttleworth: No, you're all lying, I'm the real mark s!
(23:26)operator_bot: There is only one mark shuttleworth
(23:27)marky_shuttleworth: Well duh.

It contiunied in this fashion for several hours. They did not come any closer to discovring who the real Mark Shuttleworth is, but after several 'I'm the Real Mark Shuttleworth' .ogg files where uploaded, Richard M. Stallman acting for the Ubuntu Community, sent to the following mailing list message to all-buntu-users@ubuntu.org

Hello 'fellow' 'linux' 'users'
My name is Richard M Stallman. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. Whanna now what the M 
means? I'm not telling. Nananana! anyway. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. It appears 
that there has been some confusion over who is the 'real' Mark Shuttleworth. Well, me and 
Linus Tovarlds where having some pillow-talk and we decided to tell you guys the  
truth. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. No, Tux is not real, and Linus is a real man. 
(You should see him in the bedroom-rah!) I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. But what I 
was saying, that MS is just RMS, which out the R, which is replaced with an invisable L for 
Linus. Confused?. Good. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. Ever since that damn 
Ubuntu came out, there haven't been enough confused Linux GNU/Linux users. Except 
when it comes to calling GNU/Linux. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. Oh, how I wish I 
had finish Hurd, but with the post-natals these days, some things are so obsucure and Linus  
had that bitch Eben Moglen on side, so I had to put Linux in GNU. Anyway, MS is just one part  
Linus and two parts me, RMS. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me. It was a virtual three 
way, and I was using Vmware Workstation 5.5 to trick Linus egg into thinking that I actually 
had two proccesers sharing data. I'm RMS. Someone wrote a book about me.
Yours Truly
RMS. Someone wrote a book about me.

Linux users everywhere are confused.

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