UnNews:Bin Laden sets Guinness world record for longest hide and seek
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Bin Laden sets Guinness world record for longest hide and seek
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 24, 2017, 05:19:UTC)(
21 December 2008
An undisclosed location in Peshwar, Pakistan – Osama Bin Laden has just set the new world record for being the only man alive to hide for 7 years during a hide and seek game. This new position in the Guinness World Records book comes as extreme blow to the already demoralized Bush Administration. In a statement by the White House Spokesmen assured that even though he broke the record that they "are still looking for him". Meanwhile, the CIA blamed the FBI for "not helping" and blamed the failure on "not being able to get a white middle class agent who only speaks english and attends his local evangelical church every sunday to penetrate deep inside the network of Al-Queda"
Meanwhile, Bin Laden released a new video:
|“|| Praise Allah.
Citizens of the United Nation of Islam, I have truimped. For seven years I have hidden from the great evil empire of America, who seek me with drones and 30,000 soldiers. Thier evil wishes have been thwarted by Allah, who, praise his mightyness, has allowed be to subsitice on a diet of Ramen Noodles and various traditional Pakistani dishes. My endurence through boredome has only been suspended by a pack of cards and kilos of Marijuana. But now I have the records for both Largest JENGA! ever created and the longest fugative in a hide and seek game. Once during my boredome I heard the sound of a helicopter outside and heard shouting soldiers in English and I thought the end was near. But it turned out they had just flown out to pick some Marijuana and Poppy plants from the forest near my house. They approached my cave, but thought it was the residence of a local bear, and fled to thier helicopter in ultimate fear. But that fear was instilled upon them... by Allah....''
In the video Bin Laden appeared overwieght and brandished an AK-47 and a bag of Ruffles. It was quite frightening to the Americain public and everyone cared and talked about it for weeks and weeks.