UnNews:Bin Laden a Christian?

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

31 March 2008

Everything recently in the world of politics has been unbelievably boring and uneventful over the past few years (disregarding six year wars started over nothing). But a recent breakthrough has now challenged the former beliefs of many. Osama Bin Laden, often considered a dumbass gi-had kitten huffer, may not, in fact, be Moslem at all.
Several days ago, a video, which has now been lost in the vastness of space and time, was released showing something very strange and unusual, and also not of the norm. Bin Laden signed in to be a gi-had with his right hand not on the Qur’an, but on the Bible.
“I was shocked,” said a watcher of the tape “when I saw Osama swearing into gi-haddery with his right hand on the Bible in this incredibly revealing film which I just so happened to have accidentally left in my fireplace.”
Not only this, but Osama was known to have released a threat video on Friday, the Moslem day of rest, and to have not released a video on Sunday, the Christian day of rest. God quoted on the subject:
”Wait, does anyone seriously believe this? Sabbath was on Saturday anyway.”
Could the entire fate of the world be doomed because of this mix up? Who the hell knows, I need a drink.
“Yeah, I only bust 23 kneecaps on Sabbath day”
~ Jack Bauer on Sabbath day
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