UnNews:Big Brother picks all-corpse house in latest venture
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Big Brother picks all-corpse house in latest venture
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 09:18:UTC)(
31 May 2007
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ELEVEN DEAD BODIES, fresh from their respective graves, who are taking part in Channel 4's Big Brother have entered the house. The hopefuls include a gangland murder victim, an assassinated Central American President, a cyclist who was run over by a steam roller in 2001 and even an Egyptian pharaoh, who died 3000 years ago!
It is the first time an all-dead body house has been unveiled, but presenter Davina McCall has placated some disgruntled viewers and assured that "This programe drains the living spirit from all who watch. This is simply a natural progression of this.".
The 11 (dead as a post) contestants realised they would be living in a "living person"-free zone as more and more cadavers kept entering the house. The channel are thought to be "playing it safe" after the debacle of the last series, which saw a glut of wanton poofery, devil worship and genocide that almost triggered World War 2!
The first housemates to enter the house were 18-year-old twins Amanda and Sam, who were burnt as witches in 1688. They were followed by Lesley, who died in a London gangland shootout in 1968. Other contestants included Gary, who was run over by a lawn mower in a freak accident and Julie, who was eaten by a polar bear in 1978.
Once more housemates started to arrive, it became apparent to the bodies that were piling up on the floor that no "living, or indeed breathing housemate" was going to join them.
"Christ, its like a morgue in here" one corpse was heard to mutter as it all kicked off.