UnNews:Biden admits they know everything you do in bed
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Biden admits they know everything you do in bed
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Monday, May 2, 2016, 06:26:UTC)(
12 January 2014
- North Korea grants religious asylum to Saudi atheist
- Pussy Riot to Pakistan for awards ceremony
- New sex dampening drug for priests tested on jelly fish
- Will Chris Christie never learn from Rodman?
LAS VEGAS -- “As soon as you get your new FEMA bed then you are being monitored, you are being tracked every time you enter your bedroom, alone or with companions, and all that data is stored forever.” This was the stunning admission made by vice president, ‘Trader Joe’ Biden at the NSA electronic surveillance show in Las Vegas.
“We know everyone who breaks the law and when and where they’re doing it. We have microphones, cameras, GPS and motion sensors in all mandatory new FEMA beds, so we know what you’re doing,” Biden ranted on, eventually bursting into song, “So, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why: FEMA camp is coming to town! It’s making its lists, and checking them twice, going to find out who's naughty or nice: FEMA camp is coming to town! It sees you when you're sleeping; it knows when you're awake. It knows when you've been bad or good, so watch, the fuck, out!!!
“Little boy dolls that cuddle and poo, elephant throats and kiddie porn too: FEMA camp is coming to town!” Trader Joe happily sang, before again turning serious, “By the way, we don’t supply your data to anyone,” Biden promised.
So what happens when the big boys in black suits demand the release of the collected data? Well, it turns out that it’s not even an issue, because NSA and FEMA are themselves ‘big boys in black suits’, and they have instant real time access to details of the sleep habits, bedroom movements and sexual preferences of thousands of sheeple who are now using new FEMA beds. These beds are being issued by the United Nations as part of their Agenda 21 globalization and dehumanization plan.
So what does this all mean? Well, it’s pretty straightforward: if you sleep in a new FEMA bed, everything you do is logged. Don’t be a dimwit! It’s not rocket surgery to see how this could get sticky. A wet dream might be committed, the new bed immediately notifies the thought police, who simply extract the proof from the bed’s computer in order to make the arrest.
Not that it matters, but this seems like yet one more way that our freedoms are being infringed on a dawn-to-dusk basis. It’s another bold attempt by the Anglo-American Plutocrats to subdue the global population and prevent thought crimes before they even occur. So, lets be clear about these thought crimes: Any doubts concerning the “Ministry of Truth” that contradict the wise Orwellian edict that “War Is Peace” - are thought crimes. And thought-crimes must be nipped at the bed.
- Repeater "Ford Vice President Publicly Admits They Know Everything You Do In Your Car". Daily Sheeple, Jan 12, 2014