UnNews:Bibowler Girl bowls 900 series
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Bibowler Girl bowls 900 series
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 20:10:UTC)(
9 January 2012
NAPLES, Florida - A woman known only as Bibowler Girl stood up for her lifestyle by bowling three 300 games in a row in her Monday night bowling league. It is the first 900 pin series by a woman, the first by a bisexual, and the 18th overall.
Cheered on by her boyfriend George and her life partner Beverly, Bibowler Girl carried her Fort Myers Diner Darlings to an easy victory over their archrivals, the Naples Napoli. "It was a thing of beauty," George said. "Watching her rock-hard pink and purple ball gliding so effortlessly and repeatedly down the smooth tight lane made me proud to be her boy toy."
"To see 900 long woody objects weaken and fall one after another stirred things in me I didn't even know I had," Beverly told the assembled crowd, "Call it kismet. I know I will. And I just can't wait to get her home tonight to snuggle-bunny."
In response to all the hoopla, Bibowler Girl was nonchalant. "I just picked it up and threw it over and over again. And whatdoyouknow, it kept knocking them down!" When informed that she was the first woman to accomplish the 300 three-fer, Bibowler Girl was still nonchalant but responded with a slight hint of indignance. "If men can do it, women can do it. We have arms, don't we?" she pointed out.
CNN reporter Anderson Cooper, who happened to be trolling the Four Seasons Bowling Emporium, elbowed his way to Bibowler Girl after hearing the commotion. "Bibowler Girl, what did you feel when that last pin fell?" Cooper asked. "That it was time to grab a cold tall one with one hand and slowly wiggle the other into a bowl of freshly oozing glacamole," she answered. Exchanging winks and knowing smiles, Cooper went on his way as Bibowler Girl changed back into her street shoes.
The crowd lifted Bibowler Girl up on their shoulders, marched her around the Emporium, then bought her beers, dogs, and some popcorn. She ate and drank and smiled as they cheered her name. After everyone left, a young mexican illegal cleaned up, turned out the lights, and then walked into the parking lot to meet his new friend, Mr. Cooper.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|