UnNews:Belgium catches bombing suspect "in the hat"

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Belgium catches bombing suspect "in the hat"

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10 April 2016

Cat in the Hat

Abrini, from a police lineup on an earlier offense. Belgium's child protection laws require all cartoon characters to register with the police.

BRUSSELS, Belgium -- After three weeks of frantically watching cartoon movies, Belgian authorities announced Saturday they have identified the elusive suspect "in the hat" spotted alongside the two suicide bombers who blew themselves up at Brussels Airport.

Police identified the suspect as Mohamed Abrini, who is also wanted in the Paris theater bombing last November 13. The sleuth-work is the first hard evidence that the Paris and Brussels bombings might be related, rather than random mayhem in European cities for which ISIS claims credit the following day.

In the U.S., the White House has responded to each bombing with a press release naming global warming as the world's largest joint security problem — the cause of a wave of bombings in European capitals, just as it caused a wave of fierce hurricanes, which should start this summer at the latest. This version of events is not unanimous, however. French President François Hollande cited "Islamic extremists" in a joint press conference with Barack Obama, which the White House website translated as "victims of Republican Party budget cuts." It is not clear how France would remedy this but, after the Paris attack, the U.S. sent Special Envoy James Taylor to suggest group hugs might be the answer.

Mr. Abrini seems also to have traveled to Syria, where his younger brother died in 2014 in the Islamic State's Francophone brigade, warriors who believe they can bring Europe to its knees merely by the deliberate speaking of French. Mr. Abrini also went to Birmingham, England, where he may have spoken French to several suspected terrorists.

Mr. Abrini was apprehended sans vêtements, which he claims to have discarded, though he "sold" his signature hat. Belgian police recently switched off the cartoon movies and went onto eBay, because if Mr. Abrini touted the hat's connections to bombings to fetch a better price, this would tie Mr. Abrini to the crimes. As he cannot even be referred to as "the Cat in the Hat," the Americans may have no choice but to refer to him as an Islamist. However, Mr. Obama noted that Mr. Abrini cannot even be a Muslim: For his last meal, he specifically requested Green Eggs and Ham.

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