9 August 2008
BEIJING UNN - In a break from tradition that usually reserves praise of the Olympic Games until the closing ceremony of the event, the International Olympic Committee today has declared the 2008 Olympic Games the "No. 1 Olympic Games, ever!" according to IOC Chairman Emilio Suarez of Spain.
"Normally, such an accolade is held until the event is completed, however after discussions with our hosts, it was decided that there will never be an Olympic event to top the one that began here less than 48 hours ago," said Suarez from his prison cell.
Suarez and the rest of the Olympic Committee are being housed in a Chinese jail for "their own protection," according to a Chinese Government official. "With Tibetian monks running amuck with dynamite strapped to their bodies, as they are known to do, we had no other option but to house then in the prison's for the IOC's protection."
The chinese hope to release the IOC Committee members by 2020 when the games return to China, at which time they will be the guest of Shanghai officials.