UnNews:Beck sees conspiracy in BP spill and Cuban meeting
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
20 May 2010
Appearing on his syndicated show on Fox News, Beck said the conspiracy had long been planned and that it was also to punish the South for voting Republican. Citing no sources, Beck said British
Pollution Petroleum (BP) purposely arranged to blow up its oil rig after receiving a call from President Barack Obama, who wants to introduce a Cuban-style health service in the USA.
Beck explained: "This oil spillage is no accident. The Democrats have long wanted to Cubanise our country and now they have their chance. This meeting between federal officials and the bloody-handed terrorist assassins of Havana about the oil slick is just a cover to resume talks on the secret agenda to flood the USA with Cuban-trained doctors and nurses, who, as we all know, are also trained to kill."
"Mark my words," Beck continued. "That eighteen-lane NAFTA expressway, with which these one-worlders plan to erase our borders and make us work for pesos, will have a Business Loop into Havana!"
The White House responded to Beck's charges in a roundabout way. "Dissent is fine, opposition is fine," said the President. "But at some point my adversaries have to come forward and help me move America into the future." Presidential adviser Rahm Emanuel muttered something about not letting a crisis go to waste, which this reporter--being unbiased--is not sure he heard correctly.
- Vernon Shell "USA and Cuba to hold meetings about the danger posed by current oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico". New York Times, May 19, 2010