UnNews:Beatles Reunite for Concert in Glace Bay, Nova Scotia
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Beatles Reunite for Concert in Glace Bay, Nova Scotia
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 02:03 (UTC)
26 February 2010
Glace Bay, Nova Scotia (UnNews) - John, Paul, George, and Ringo have all been reunited for the first time in nearly 40 years for a tribute concert in the Canadian metropolis of Glace Bay. The band split up in 1970 after a bitter fight. Plans to get back together for a tour were floated around in 1980. This was quickly dispelled after John Lennon was murdered by a deranged fan on December 8th of that year. The remaining Beatles toured together until George Harrison's death in 2001.
This all changed after George and John were dug up for a reunion concert tonight at the Savoy Theatre in Glace Bay. George's corpse was fairly well preserved. He died less than 10 years ago and enbalming procedures were much more advanced in 2001 than when John Lennon was killed in 1980. Both corpses were bathed in formaldehyde to neutralize the corpse smell (although formaldehyde doesn't smell that good either) and prevent further decomposition of the bodies. Paul and Ringo may also be bathed in preservatives, although technically still alive, they only smell marginally better than their dead bandmates.
Ringo will be peforming on the drums, Paul will be singing and playing bass. George and John are going to be attached to wires to keep them standing upright. A small radio will be placed in John's mouth for vocals. A guitar will be superglued to George and will be played through the use of strings attached to his fingers. The band will be peforming many of their hit singles such as "I Wanna Hold your Cock", "A Hard Day's Cock", "Cum Together", and "I Get High (With a Little Help from my Friends)".
Joining the band tonight will be Louise Harrison, the sister of deceased guitarist George Harrison. It was actually her idea for the reunion concert. She dug up the body of her brother and obtained permission to dig up the corpse of Lennon. After tonight's show in Glace Bay, Harrison hopes to have the band go on tour across Canada and then around the world.
Savoy staff hope the smell of rotting corpse and formaldehyde won't be enough to keep Beatles fans away. This is unlikely however, over 20,000 tickets have been sold already. Staff also believes that the remaining 10,000 seats at the 30,000 seat theatre will be filled as well. Tickets are still available at the door, customers can reach the Savoy at (902) 842-1577 to order them or go online at www.savoytheatre.com.
- Laura Jean Grant "Beatles tribute band has Harrison’s sister’s seal of approval". Cape Breton Post, February 24th 2010