This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
5 November 2008
WASHINGTON, DC – Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois) moonwalked his way into the White House Wednesday, after an impressive electoral college landslide the night before. Traditionally, the incumbent is given two months to pack up their duds and start their retirement run. However, in an unprecedented move, local irate Washington residents marched down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and literally threw George W. Bush out the oval office window. Laura Bush was escorted by Secret Service to an Escalade where she drove off, running over and killing a young gentleman named Michael Dutton Douglas in the process. The Bush twins, having been lured out of their bunk bed and pink décor room with liquor and promises of anonymous sex, were replaced with the two little adorable, sweet and innocent Obama twins. Contrary to popular belief, rapper Xzibit was not contacted by Obama to "pimp" the White House black.
The 2008 Presidential Election has been a historic moment in the United States of America. As mentioned, Barack Obama won a sweeping victory with a majority of the popular vote, making him the second black US president after Bill Clinton. For months, many had questioned whether America was ready for a black president. Eventually they came to the conclusion that, yes, they were. Yes they could. Yes, Barack can...provided that he dabble in Robin Hood economics from time to time.
When reached for comment, Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) told the press that he had a great deal of respect for Obama despite disagreements on many issues where Obama was dangerously wrong. Eariler Tuesday night, McCain told supporters at the concession speech rally that he and Bush both fought a hard campaign to stay in office, but that the American people had spoken.
|My friends, the American people have spoken. They made it very clear that they wanted change. They wanted me to take out spare change from my own pockets and redistribute the wealth to the poor. My friends I'm sorry, but I refuse to give any handouts to a bunch of commie pinko bastards.|
Barack Obama's rise to the presidency became a bitter sweet road. One day before the election, his grandmother Madelyn Dunham died at the age of 86. Her passing was extremely hard on Obama as she had raised him during most of his childhood and was the last surviving maternal family member. Senator McCain offered his condolences to Obama, saying that she was a fine woman and did a great job shaping Obama into an exceptional young man. In someways, McCain is responsible for raising Obama vicariously, having babysat his grandmother when she was a toddler and he was in high school.
- Adam Nagourney "Obama Is Elected President as Racial Barrier Falls, McCain Loses as Bush Legacy Is Rejected". The New York Times, November 5th, 2008