UnNews:Barack Obama announces USA allies in planned Syrian war

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9 September 2013

Francois Hollande

USA's ally François Hollande.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- US President Barack Obama is to announce who will join the USA in its military operations against Syria. With the British deciding to sit on the fence and the French saying they will join in when America officially retracts the "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" jibe, Obama has now released the names of those countries and organisations who are keen to join in:

In addition, Israel has promised logistical, statistical and tautological help with this alliance of democrats and terrorists freedom fighters to capture, kill and YouTube-torture Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad.

Bananasplits

USA in a war team photo with Turkey and Saudi Arabia. The elephant in the room is Israel. Everyone is wearing chemical protection suits, disguised as children-friendly cuddily-wuddilies.

Sitting in the Oval Office inside the White House, Obama put on a dark suit and tie and — looking a bit like an older version of Will Smith — addressed the American people:

"Our Freedom Alliance will stand as one against the enemy. Assad knew where the red line was and he crossed it like a naughty child. And what do we do with naughty children? That's right, boys and girls, we send missiles in their direction. We have selected our primary targets and will start with Senator Rand Paul, because I am fed up seeing his smug face on TV telling me I won't win."

British Prime Minister David Cameron has pledged that Britain will join in, once he gets enough Saudi Arabian money backing. French President François Hollande has meantime repeated that the war against Syria is to stop him looking funny and tried to censor a photo of him gurning like a village idiot.

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