UnNews:Bankers agree to forfeit their bonuses in return for baby souls
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Bankers agree to forfeit their bonuses in return for baby souls
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, July 25, 2016, 17:58:UTC)(
10 May 2012
LONDON, England --
Top investment bankers have agreed to forgo Millions of pounds due from bonuses in exchange for the souls of small children.
The Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed the idea stating "Bankers have had some bad press over the last couple of years but this shows they are listening to the people & willing to help".
Many conservatives have pledged their support for the idea saying "This is a great example of the city listening to the concerns of the people & in these days of austerity its the right thing to do" "There were some concerns at first but it ok, apparently the babies will be from poor families or immigrants",
Conspiracy expert David Icke clarified the situation for us. "Since they orchestrated the financial crisis, Goldman Sachs has bought everything of value. Money now has no meaning for them so they have decided to branch out & collect souls, it's where the real power lies." "They will use the power from the souls to invade Hell, depose Satan & then prove that Goldman Sachs is the one true Evil in the universe."
When asked for his opinion to this, the Archbishop of Canterbury said, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
After the announcement Geoff from Wonga said "after payday loans & cash in your gold/jewellery, have screwed you for everything you have in this world its the next logical step"
Be the first at cashinyoursoul.com.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|