UnNews:Bank of America eyes Barclays, Barclays calls police
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Bank of America eyes Barclays, Barclays calls police
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 21:07:UTC)(
12 December 2006
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BARKLAYS HQ, atop a huge pile of money, London -- Barclays, the United Kingdom's third largest bank, called the police after investment bank Merrill Lynch overheard suggestive remarks made by the Bank of America during a Christmas party.
Merrill Lynch reports that the Bank of America, the second largest lender in the US, was "a nasty drunk". Merrill Lynch is well-known as one of the major gossips of the financial world, but apparently the Bank of America was too far gone to realise who it was talking to. It had clearly been hitting the free drinks a bit too freely. The mumbled, half-coherent tirade centred on its long-running break-up with Italian food group Parmalat, but then the conversation turned to the future, and the Bank of America made a suggestive and obscene hand-gesture and turned to stare at Barclays, which was sitting by the bar sipping cocktails.
The Bank of America declared it is "very interested" in Barclays, and after admiring Barclays's figures walked over and told it that it would be "a perfect fit". Barclays immediately slapped the Bank of America and called the police, who removed the Bank from the premises and cautioned it for harrassment. The Bank of America's shares fell 1%, but it seems undaunted. In comments outside, the Bank of America declared that it has been interested since 2003, but at the time it was too caught up in the acrimonious dispute with Parmalat and Barclays refused to get involved on the rebound.