UnNews:Baghdad teens prepare to party
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Baghdad teens prepare to party
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, November 30, 2015, 11:47:UTC)(
6 November 2006
Streets had been deserted for two days in anticipation of the verdict. An automatic appeal will be launched against the sentence and is due to be heard by a panel of nine judges, all of whom, I was informed by Baghdad High students, were "lame-ass prudes."
The UnNews's JJ Cool in Baghdad says "activity wuz lyke alreddy returniong to tha streets b4 the partial lifting fo the curfew4g3. Police in Baghdad iz, lyke, allowing peoplez 2 make essential jurneyz lyke going 2 the hospital or buying the provisions from shops that had opened." But our correspondent says fears of an upsurge in violence remain, amid continuing anger among Iraqi Sunnis over the verdict.
The judgement has been met with mixed reactions in Iraq and around the world. Shortly after the verdict, there were jubilant scenes in Sadr City, a predominantly Shia ghetto of Baghdad, and in the holy city of Najaf. Umar bin-Hossein, a prominent Sadr Baghdude who all the time hangs in his crib, said, "Man, this be phat. I be jumpin' an' jivin' when I hear Saddam be in da slammah. I'ma go bust up some Sunni fool, aight!"
But in Saddam Hussein's home town of Tikrit there was fury, as supporters of the former president defied a curfew to parade with photographs of their hero. A veiled Tikrit High cheerleader who wishes to remain anonymous said, "Omigawsh, I'm like, totally scared that these heretics are like, killing our blessed leader. Saddam was like the coolest guy ever, he was captain of the football team and student body president in '54. He's the most happenin' kid our school ever produced, and I'm like, really sad the un-Islamic blasphemers are, like, being total fags."
Almost three years since his capture, soaring sectarian violence has brought Iraq to the brink of civil war - and correspondents say few Iraqis think the trial verdict will ease the conflict.
- Ali "Follower of false Caliph faces absolute wrath of God". Najaf High PTA Newsletter, 6 Nov 2006