UnNews:BREAKING NEWS:Nerd Rebels destroy the DvDeath Star
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BREAKING NEWS:Nerd Rebels destroy the DvDeath Star
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, October 4, 2015, 12:15:UTC)(
6 May 2007
The Interspace galaxy, digg rebel base on the Blogshperius moons-- a report is coming in that Rebels have been able to successfully destroy the Galactic Corporate Empire's DRM Superweapon.
Rebel Alliance Leader, Kevin Rose, made the famous quote before deploying into battle "If we lose, then what the hell, at least we died trying". After Kevin Rose's top adviser and commander of all Rebel land forces High General Jay Adelson hesitation to destroy the DRM super weapon with fears of revealing the secret rebel base and instead wanted to remain concealed from the Most Evil Empire of Freedom. Rebels were able to successfully destroy the DvDeath Star using an secret command code that allowed them to make the DRM super weapon defenseless. Here is an exclusive report of the events leading up to the destruction of the DvDeath Star
A small Rogue-Nerd Hacker Corvette, with rebel leader Kevin Rose on board, was attacked by Darth Ted's ship,The Proskauer Rose. The Proskauer Rose crew boarded the ship and began questioning the crew. What they were looking for: A small encrypted key that would disable the DRM's defense. This key would be able to, not only save the rebellion from destruction and thousands of years of tyranny, but also save millions of people their privacy.
edit Kevin RoseUsing a escape pod two droids landed on the surface of BiToorenti. They eventually met a hacker named muslix64. He, with the help of the Droids, was able to extract the message hidden on the droids-mainframe and decrypt the Secret file (which was protected with Windows XP SP2). Once muslix64 learned of the message they were able to discover the vulnerability of the DvDeath Star. muslix64 was able to rescue Kevin Rose and escape from the imprisonment of Darth Ted. They then headed to the rebel base.
edit Destruction of DvDeath
After rescuing Kevin Rose form the DvDeath Star they headed to the Rebel Base, although they knew that they were being tracked. Kevin Rose ordered the rebels to risk everything in order to destroy the DvDeath Star. After losing most of the rebel troops, muslix64 was able to destroy the DvDeath Star and win the rebellion, it's first major victory against the Internet Empire.
Darth Ted, one of the few survivors of the attack, later commented on the defeat "We will continue to fight the rebellion until it is no more. No matter what the cost! We'll just pass the cost onto the consumers anyway, Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha"
Kevin Rose responded "Long live the Nerd rebel democracy! w00t!!!1!"