UnNews:BP: Oil spill looks "jes' fine"
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BP: Oil spill looks "jes' fine"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015, 04:39:UTC)(
23 April 2010
BP on Friday said it had "activated an extensive oil spill response," involving 32 sea-going vessels, and at least as many public-relations professionals to spin the environmental disaster as a healthy release of organic nutrients into the Gulf.
BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward said the company will do "everything in our power to contain this." He says the company can call on more resources if needed.
Ed Overton, an environmental sciences professor, expects the light crude oil to turn into a pasty mess called a "chocolate mousse." "That's the technical term," he said. "Wildlife find it tasty."
Mr. Hayward noted that Exxon argued, in the wake of the Valdez oil spill, that within ten years, nature would remove all visible effects of the spill. In the meantime, he advises locals to "enjoy the plentiful supply of Blackened seafood, which is a Creole specialty."